“The meal isn’t over when I’m full, the meal is over when I hate
myself.” – Louis C.K.
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your
head because the oven exploded?
The American Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so
pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did have a tan. A puritan.
What did the pilgrim do when he bit into a bad piece of corn?
He made a pilgrimace.
How do you make the richest soup ever?
Cook it with 24 carrots
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pilgrim Reaper.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the
country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it's cool.
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
Yo mama so fat, you invite her over for Thanksgiving
dinner and tell her you’re eating the whole turkey – and she brings her
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Lots of stuffing.
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
Thanksgiving Jokes - Part 1