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New Dad Jokes 2018 | 2019

The best first: What is yellow and kills you if you get it in the eyes?
A school bus.
 New Dad jokes

Fresh Dad Jokes

It always takes two to create trouble in a marriage.
The wife and the mother-in-law.
I sometimes feel like the 5th wheel in my family.
Which, of course, is the steering wheel.
What is black, cool, and stands in a forest?
A deer in a leather jacket.
Why has no skeleton ever jumped from a really tall building?
They ain’t got the balls.

Why don’t fish play basketball?
They have issues with the net.
I can only handle 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why (y).
What does a traffic warden do when he wins a million dollars in the lottery?
He buys himself a crossing and becomes self-employed.
What do you give a pig when it’s poorly? A good oink-ment!
Save the forests!!
Eat more beavers!!!
I met Bruce Lee’s vegetarian brother today.
His name is Brocko Lee.
Why can’t fish cry?
Because they don’t have eyebrows.

Fish Joke
What is white, stands in front of the stairs, and can’t go up?
A washing machine.

What do polar bears eat for breakfast? Frosted flakes.
Why are the North Koreans the best at geometry?
Because they’ve got a Supreme Ruler.
Why didn’t the toilet paper make it across the road?
He met with too many cracks on the way.
Thomas says to John: “You know, it’s a good thing we aren’t Mexicans.”
John is puzzled: “What? Why?”
Thomas explains: “Because we don’t know a word of Spanish.”
What tea is it not a good idea to drink?
I really dislike the constant advertisement from the municipality that always sticks under my screen wiper.
 What happened on the 1.1.1111?
A new year started.
Why is it pointless to play hide and seek with mountain ranges?
They peak.
What is yellow and kills you if you get it in the eyes?
A school bus.
A man goes to the doctor and says: “Doctor I swallowed a key. Can you please get it out of my belly?”
The doctor asks: “When did you swallow it?”
“About 3 years ago.”
“Really? Why are you coming this late?!”
“Well… I lost my spare key.”
An exclamation mark look at a question mark appraisingly, “Hmmm, nice curves!

Dad Joke new
”What did Jasmin rice say to Asian vegetables?
Don't you wok away from me!
What brand of car does an Egg drive?
A Yolkswagen
What would you call a camel that has no hump?
What’s the difference between a wasp and a fly?
A wasp can fly, but a fly can’t wasp.
Why is there a donut sitting at the dentist’s office?
It’s there to get a filling.
What kind of cake is the most popular one in cake shops?
Answer: “This one!“

And the second most popular?
Answer: “No, no – that one, right next to it!”

What is black and white and sits on a swing?
A swinguine.
Why do fish make such lousy tennis players?
They’re afraid of coming close to the net.
What is white and hides behind a tree?
A shy milk.
Are insecticides good for mosquitos?"
Not at all, it kills them!"
“What to call a bear who’s lost all its teeth?
A gummy bear!”

Dad Jokes

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | New Dad Jokes

See also: Bad Jokes

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