It wanted to get to the udder
side.
I get all kinds of weird looks at the gym. Can’t they
bring their own pizza?
That awkward moment when you borrow your dad’s
electric beard trimmer, disappear in the bathroom for 40 minutes and
your dad wonders what you were doing there because your beard looks just
like it did before…
Why did the lights go out? - They liked each other a lot.
What is black, cool, and stands in a forest?
-
A deer in a leather jacket.
Feeling amused? Explore our
Puns section! A waiter came to me in Pizza Hut yesterday and said,
“I see you have an empty glass there. Would you like another?”
I don’t know what’s wrong with people. What would I do with two empty
glasses?!
Why don’t fish play tennis?
-
They have issues with the net. I can only handle 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't
know why (y).
I love vegan food! It makes an excellent side dish to
any meat!
Seriously, some limits, please! I’m getting a bit
tired of the constant police advertisements that they’re constantly
sticking under my screen wiper. I met Bruce Lee’s vegetarian brother today.
His name is Brocko Lee.
What tea is it not a good idea to drink?
-
TNT.
What happened on the 1.1.1111?
-
A new year started.
The stationary shop moved. It really surprised me.Check out our Anti-JokesWhy is it pointless to play hide and seek with
mountain ranges?
-
They peak.
A man goes to the doctor and says: “Doctor I
swallowed a key. Can you please get it out of my belly?”
-
The doctor asks: “When did you swallow it?”
-
“About 3 years ago.”
-
“Really? Why are you coming this late?!”
-
“Well… I lost my spare key.”
I love karma. I can do terrible things to all sorts
of people whenever, wherever, and know they deserved it.Why is there a donut sitting at the dentist’s office?
-
It’s there to get a filling.
Doctor says to his patient: "You have cancer and Alzheimer." -
Patient: "At least I don't have cancer."Which tea is
the most popular in psychiatries? - Insanitea
My son is 9 and wants to move out because we constantly forbid him
everything.
Well, we forbid him that too. I
have one thing to say to the invalid who stole my camouflage army
jacket: You can hide, bro, but you can't run. The
news said that our preteens have an obesity problem. I will not be
passive anymore in this issue. I will get myself an ice cream truck
and when all those fat preteens come running, I will always drive off
a tiny bit further just before they can reach me! A
patient sobs to his doctor, "I feel like a pair of curtains!" -
Doctor: "Well pull yourself together man!My cousin,
a magician, decided to incorporate the use of trapdoors in his shows.
But I think it's just a stage he's going through.I
have two very nice lamps in my living room. We have an on-and-off
relationship.My girlfriend bet me I’d never be able
to build a car out of spaghetti. She sure looked surprised as I drove
pasta.My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve
got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you
derail last year?"
I said, "Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to
keep track!" “Captain, we ran out of ice cubes!”
- Captain: “I have an idea. Machine room: 10 degrees starboard!”
(True story of the Titanic)“I want to win 10
million in the lottery, just like my dad did!”
“OMG, your dad
won 10 million in the lottery?!”
“No, but he always wanted to.”What kind of cake is the most popular one in cake
shops?
Answer: “This one!“
And the second most popular?
Answer: “No, no – that one, right next to it!”
“What to call a bear who’s lost all its teeth?
-
A gummy bear!”
