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Bad Dad Jokes | Part 2

A new one first: Do you know the most important words that could open a lot of doors in your life?
Push and Pull.
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Funny Dad jokes

Dad Jokes Part 1 | Part 2 | New Dad Jokes
See also: Best Puns | Bad Jokes
What did I do when I landed in Iraq by mistake?
Stairs cannot be trusted. They’re always UP to something.
Working in a crematorium, you can never urn a living.
What do you do when the phone rings and you get a private caller?
Don't answer that. Pick up for ranks Lieutenant and higher only.
Which bus went from Spain to America?
Do you have a car – but no gas money?
Just fart in your wallet! Tadaaa – gas money!
What fish is the best fighter?
The swordfish.
My doctor recommended that I eat more at Burger King.

What else could he mean when he told me I should eat less McDonald’s?
What does a house wear?
Address (a dress).
I like little people, and little people like me. They kinda look up to me.
What is cold and stands under a street lamp?
A frostitute.
Why was the toilet paper rolling down the hill?
It was in a rush to get to the bottom.
Problems sleeping? Cut the legs of your bed. You'll sleep deeper.
Which bus never drove on any street?

The globus.
What is 5q + 5q?


You're welcome!
What is red and goes up and down? A tomato in an elevator.
What is invisible and smells of carrots?

A little bunny’s fart.
What was Hitler’s favorite candy?
Reporter interviews a man: “Sir, you’ve lived next to this highway for 20 years, do you feel that it has somehow influenced you?”
The man: “NOOooooo, NOOoooo, NOOooo…”
How do you recognize a gynecologist?
He usually wears his watch closer to his elbow.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant in the elevator?
No? Me neither, I took the stairs.
A single glance tells me if somebody is lying. It’s the fact that they’re horizontal that gives it away.
What do you call an American Bee?

Did you know that there’s not a single canary on Canary Islands?
And did you know that the same holds for the Virgin Islands?
Really, not a single canary.
What is the worst combination of two sicknesses?
Diarrhea and Alzheimer. You’re running, but you don’t know where.
Why don’t teddy bears ever really eat at their picnics? - Because they’re already stuffed.
Which country's capital is the fastest growing?
Answer: Ireland's.
Every year it's Dublin.
Two walls arrange a date – “Let's meet at the corner.”
Do you know what’s up?
The ceiling.
Bad Dad Joke
Not even orcas dare attack an octopus.

It’s too well armed.
Why didn’t the Orange drive when the lights turned green again?
No juice!
What is hairy, brown, and goes up and down?
A kiwi in an elevator.

Dad Jokes Part 1 | Part 2 | New Dad Jokes
See also: Best Puns | Bad Jokes

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