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Bad Dad Jokes | Part 2

A new one first: Do you know the most important words that could open a lot of doors in your life?
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Push and Pull.
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Funny Dad jokes

Dad Jokes Part 1 | Part 2 | New Dad Jokes
See also: Best Puns | Bad Jokes
What did I do when I landed in Iraq by mistake?
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Iran.
Stairs cannot be trusted. They’re always UP to something.
Working in a crematorium, you can never urn a living.
What do you do when the phone rings and you get a private caller?
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Don't answer that. Pick up for ranks Lieutenant and higher only.
Which bus went from Spain to America?
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Columbus.
Do you have a car – but no gas money?
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Just fart in your wallet! Tadaaa – gas money!
What fish is the best fighter?
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The swordfish.
My doctor recommended that I eat more at Burger King.

What else could he mean when he told me I should eat less McDonald’s?
What does a house wear?
 
Address (a dress).
I like little people, and little people like me. They kinda look up to me.
What is cold and stands under a street lamp?
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A frostitute.
Why was the toilet paper rolling down the hill?
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It was in a rush to get to the bottom.
Problems sleeping? Cut the legs of your bed. You'll sleep deeper.
Which bus never drove on any street?

The globus.
What is 5q + 5q?

[10q]

You're welcome!
What is red and goes up and down? A tomato in an elevator.
What is invisible and smells of carrots?

A little bunny’s fart.
What was Hitler’s favorite candy?
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Nazipan.
Reporter interviews a man: “Sir, you’ve lived next to this highway for 20 years, do you feel that it has somehow influenced you?”
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The man: “NOOooooo, NOOoooo, NOOooo…”
How do you recognize a gynecologist?
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He usually wears his watch closer to his elbow.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant in the elevator?
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No? Me neither, I took the stairs.
A single glance tells me if somebody is lying. It’s the fact that they’re horizontal that gives it away.
What do you call an American Bee?

A USB.
Did you know that there’s not a single canary on Canary Islands?
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And did you know that the same holds for the Virgin Islands?
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Really, not a single canary.
What is the worst combination of two sicknesses?
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Diarrhea and Alzheimer. You’re running, but you don’t know where.
Why don’t teddy bears ever really eat at their picnics? - Because they’re already stuffed.
Which country's capital is the fastest growing?
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Answer: Ireland's.
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Every year it's Dublin.
Two walls arrange a date – “Let's meet at the corner.”
Do you know what’s up?
-
The ceiling.
Bad Dad Joke
Not even orcas dare attack an octopus.

It’s too well armed.
Why didn’t the Orange drive when the lights turned green again?
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No juice!
What is hairy, brown, and goes up and down?
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A kiwi in an elevator.

Dad Jokes Part 1 | Part 2 | New Dad Jokes
See also: Best Puns | Bad Jokes






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