Good Jokes to tell anyone

Best first:  A man looks at himself in the mirror: “1 inch more and I’d be a king.”

The mirror replies: “1 inch less and you’d be a queen.”
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First day at school, the teacher explains the little pupils, “…and if anybody needs to go to the bathroom, just raise your hand.”

Little Johnny asks from the back of the room: “And that is going to help?”

Why did the boy eat his homework?

Because his dog wasn’t up to the job.  
A man picks up his mother in law from the train station.

As they drive off, he asks her: “And how long are you going to stay?”

She replies: “As long as you want me to!”

“What,” asks the man, “so short?”
A guest calls the waiter: “Please try my soup.”
Waiter: “What’s the problem? Too salty?”
Guest: “No. Just try my soup.”
Waiter: “What then, is it too cold?”
Guest: “No. Please try my soup.”
Waiter: “Is it too hot?”
Guest: “No it isn’t. Can you just please try my soup already?”
Waiter: “But there’s no spoon.”
Guest: “Finally!”

A guy walks into a bar and yells in loud frustration: “All lawyers are monsters!!!!”

A huge hulk of a man with shaved head and a very unpleasant appearance slowly stands up and says, “Hey, you take that back right now!”

 “Um… are you a lawyer?” the man asks a bit more timidly. “What?! No, I’m a monster!!!”  
Good news: Husband knows his way around fashion.

Bad news: He actually enjoys wearing your clothes and underwear more than the traditional male ones.

Worst news: He looks better in them than you do.
Funny Baby Similarity

What does a baby and supermarket meat have in common?

They both get repackaged when they start to smell funny.
  Good Jokes
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

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