Contact Privacy
 

Good Jokes

Best first:  I just broke my record at the gym. I sucked in my belly for a whole hour and a half.
    
 

A man looks at himself in the mirror: “1 inch more and I’d be a king.”

The mirror replies: “1 inch less and you’d be a queen.”

I thought somebody was wolf-whistling at me as I went running. But it was just my lungs.
Facebook: I know everybody.

Google: I can find anything you want.

Wikipedia: I know everything.

Internet: You’re so funny. None of that would work without me.

Electricity: Leeeet’s not get hasty, shall we?
“Take off the bra!”
-
“Yes darling!”
-
“Pull down the skirt!”
-
“Yes darling!”
-
“And the thong!”
-
“Yes darling!”
-
“And never, ever, take my clothes again Henry!!”
I hate it when I have to gain 20 pounds for my part in a movie and then I remember that I’m not an actor.
Judge: “Your choice now, Mr. Daly. 30 days in prison or a 2,000 dollar payment.”
-
Offender: “That’s just awesome. I’ll take the money, please.”
I asked the cashier yesterday if she’s collecting points. She said that those are her freckles.
Keep it up, with any luck, you'll soon have a behavioral disorder named after you.

In the World War II, the Soviets used the raised fist, the Germans the raised hand and the Americans the two fingers of V for victory as a greeting. Sounds suspiciously like a secret game of rock, paper, scissors to me. 
What’s the difference between a mirage and a Tinder date?
-
One is an optical illusion, the other is an optical disillusion.
A daughter asks her mother, “Mom, was I really brought to you by the stork?”
-
“Yes, of course, storks bring all babies.”
-
“So you, too?”
-
“Yes, darling.”
-
“And grandma too?”
-
“Of course.”
-
Girl’s school report: “It appears nobody in my family had any intercourse in at least three generations.”
Oh no, did you fall down?
-
No, I hugged the floor!
-
Come on, why are you crying then?
-
It was an emotional moment.
Wife: Darling, it was such a hard day. Can you tell me the three magical words that always make me so happy?
-
Husband: You are right.
-
Wife: Very funny, no, the other ones.
-
Husband: I was wrong.
My face usually wakes up 2 hours after me.
I have a motivational problem. But only until I reach the point of having a deadline problem.
Does Coke help with diarrhea?
_
Um… theoretically it could, if you managed to get the bottle stuck tightly enough.
Why does the US Congress have a dome?
-
Have you ever seen a circus with a flat roof?
My milk reached its expiration date today. So, guess who had 16 portions of corn flakes this morning?
– Is that vodka in your orange juice?

– Yes.

– But it’s 7:30 in the morning!

– That’s why the orange juice.
– What are you doing here?

– I’m cleaning the windows, you can barely see anything through them anymore!

– You stay out of my garden or I’m calling the police!
  Good Jokes
Part 1 | Part 2




 
 Do you know a good joke?
Please submit it here:



Security question:
What do you see on the pictrues?






 
UP to the top of the page
 
Press Ctrl + D on your keyboard (Mac: Command + D) to add short-funny.com to your bookmarks.

© Copyright Short-Funny.com