A female kangaroo scratches her stomach for a while like mad and finally
yells, “How often do I have to repeat myself, no cookies in bed!!!”
How does a monkey ring the doorbell?
-
King Kong! King Kong!
Little Ernie asks his auntie, “Why do you have such a big tummy, aunt
Lisa?”
“Because there’s a baby inside.”
“Do you like babies?”
“Very much!”
“Well I still think it isn’t right to eat them.“
Three bunnies want to jump a wall. First one jumps and clears the wall with
a good 4 inch reserve.
The second bunny jumps and makes it over the
wall with a 5 inch reserve.
The third bunny jumps and slams
headfirst into the wall. When he wakes up, he says, “I must have jumped the
highest. I definitely saw some stars.”
Two vampires are catching up and
one says, “Yeah, I’ve recently become vegan.”
“Seriously?” says the other, “and what do you eat then?”
“Blood
oranges.”
I bet you 125851265228542 dollars that you didn’t bother to read that
number. You just cruised right over it, didn’t you? You didn’t even notice I
put a letter in it. Well I didn’t – but you went and looked anyway. My, you
are quite predictable!
A boy comes into a butchery and stares at the butcher for at least 5
minutes. Finally the butcher asks, “So why do you stare at me for such a
long time, boy?” The boy explains: “My mother wanted to know if you have a
pig’s tail or pig’s ears.”
“Your brother is so small!” the neighbor says happily to little Paulie.
“Yeah, he’s only my half-brother.”
“Have you ever seen a little calf being born?” asks a farmer Little
Johnny.
“No, how is it?”
“Well, first come the front legs,
then the head, then the shoulders and the body and finally the hind legs.”
“Wow, cool, and how do you put it all together then?”
The magical goldfish agreed to grant three men a wish each.
The first man wished for a room full of gold.
The second man wished
for a room full of diamonds.
The third man wished for keys to those
rooms.
A gardener picks up horse droppings off the road. This interests a
passerby: “What do you do with the droppings?”
Gardener: “I sprinkle
it on my strawberries.”
Passerby: “Funny, we usually use sugar…”
Child: “Mom, I have a good and a bad news.”
Mother: “OK, start
with the good one.”
Child: “I scored an A in the math test.”
Mother: “That’s awesome Lisa! And what’s the bad news?”
Child: “That
this was only a joke.”
A school proudly installs a long row of coat pegs on the wall, with a
sign on the last five: ONLY FOR TEACHERS.
The next day somebody adds:
BUT CAN ALSO BE USED FOR COATS.
Why do teachers hate playing hide and seek? Because nobody is ever
looking for them.
Miles sits down in a mountain restaurant’s garden and orders a Coke. But
when the waiter comes, he brings him 3 Cokes.
“But I’ve just ordered one?”
says Miles to the waiter.
“I’m very sorry, we get that problem all the
time, sir. It’s the darned echo here.”
Why is it that bicycles fall over so often?
-
They are two-tired.
What is worse than having a roaring T-Rex following you?
-
Having two roaring T-Rexes following you.
Why did Harry the dumb policeman always carry a pair of scissors?
To be able to cut off a suspect’s escape route.
Freddie says to his dad: “When I’m a grown-up, I’m going to marry
Grandma!”
Father smiles, “Come on, you can’t marry my mom.”
“And why not? You married mine! “
Why did the donut visit the dentist?
To get a new filling.
Teacher tells Maia, “Name me three African animals.”
Maia: “One
lion and two giraffes.”
Cute Jokes
Part 1 |
Part 2 |
Part 3See also:
Kids Jokes
