Little Johnny goes to the zoo with his mom.
"Mom, look, there’s a finger in the shark tank! Mom? Mooooom???!!!"
The class is having a guessing game and the teacher asks, “OK, what do you
call someone who keeps on talking even though nobody else is interested
Little Johnny shouts eagerly, “A teacher!”
Little Johnny comes home and his father sighs, "Alright, boy, out with
your report card."
Johnny says, "I don't have it, dad."
Why not?" asks his father.
"I borrowed it to my friend. He wanted to
freak out his parents."
Little Johnny to his mom: “I shot 4 goals at the soccer match today!”
Mom: “Wonderful, looks like your team won, right?”
Johnny: “Not really, we played 2:2.”
Little Johnny plays “shoot the apple from the head” with his friends. The
first shot lands directly in his eye. “Ooowww man, you got me right in the
eye!” he complains to his friend.
But the other friend also wants a
go and persuades Johnny that he is a much better shot. But bingo, the second
shot gets Johnny in the other eye.
Johnny gives up: “Well I’ve had
it with this game, I’m going home. Mom said I should come back once it gets
Little Johnny was late for school. The teacher asked him why, and Little
Johnny explained it was because he met a man who had lost his wallet on the
“Ah,” nodded the teacher, “you were helping him find it!”
“Um, not really,” said Johnny, “but I had to keep standing on it until
he would give up and go away.”
Teacher asks, “Who can tell me the chemical formula for water?”
Little Johnny pipes up, "HIJKLMNO"!
The teacher is puzzled, “What on
Earth are you talking about, Johnny?”
Little Johnny looks hurt, “But
sir, you yourself said yesterday that it's H to O!”
History teacher asks Little Johnny: Where was the French – English peace
treaty from 1800 signed?
Little Johnny: “Bottom right corner.”
The class was told to paint a picture of cows grazing in a meadow.
Soon, Little Johnny lifts a hand that he’s finished and shows the teacher a
blank sheet of paper.
“But Johnny, you didn’t paint anything on
it?” says the teacher.
“Well, the cows have eaten all the grass and
since there was no grass left, they just went away.”
Teacher tests Little Johnny, “OK, Johnny, create a sentence which starts
Little Johnny confidently starts, “I is...”
snaps, “No, Little Johnny. You must always say, ‘I am’.”
Johnny sighs, “Yes ma’am. ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’"
Little Johnny peeks through the keyhole of his parents’ bedroom one night.
He stares for a minute and then, thoroughly disgusted, shakes his head, “And
these people tell me I shouldn’t pick my nose?!”
The best Little Johnny jokes