to his priest: “Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.”
The priest: “Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.”
Man: “And that frees me from my sin?”
Priest: “No, but it frees your
face from that dirty grin.”
Doctor: “I’ve found a great new drug that can help you with your
Patient: “Great, how often do I have to take it?”
Doctor: “Every two hours.”
I heard a report about a bad outbreak of the tummy bug, apparently 9 out of
10 people there suffered from diarrhea.
I can’t stop thinking about
that tenth person who apparently enjoyed it.
On a mountain trip a man falls down into a crack. His wife calls after
him, “Are you OK?”
“Are you hurt?”
“Not a scratch? How come?!“
“I’m not done falling
Policeman: I'm very sorry, sir, but it looks like your wife got hit by a
Man: I’m aware of that, but Karen has a wonderful personality.
“My wife suffers from a drinking problem.”
“Oh is she an
“No, I am, but she’s the one who suffers.”
I managed to lose my rifle when I was in the army. I had to pay $855 to
cover the loss.
I’m starting to understand why a Navy captain always
goes down with his ship.
Coco Chanel once said that you should put perfume on places where you want
to be kissed by a man. But hell does that burn!
A wife is like a hand grenade. Take off the ring and say good bye to
What is invisible and smells of worms?
A bird’s fart.
Patient: Oh Doctor, I’m starting to forget things.
when have you had this condition?
Patient: What condition?
It has four legs and it can fly, what is it?
Little Red Riding Hood walks all alone through the deep dark wood. Suddenly
she hears rustling in a thick bush. Cautiously she moves the branches aside
and finds herself facing the big bad wolf.
"Oh, Big Bad Wolf, why do
you have such huge red eyes?"
"Go away! I'm crapping!"
Doctor: “Do you do sports?”
Patient: “Does sex count?”
Patient: “Then no.”
Oh darling, since you’ve started dieting, you’ve become such a passionate
What do you mean, passionate? I’m looking for food remains!
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