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The funniest Jokes | Part 2

The best first:  21. Recently I introduced two of my lisping friends to each other.
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After a short but rough fist fight they realized that neither was mocking the other.


22.

Man to his priest: “Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.”

The priest: “Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.”

Man: “And that frees me from my sin?”

Priest: “No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.”


23.

Doctor: “I’ve found a great new drug that can help you with your sleeping problem.”
 
Patient: “Great, how often do I have to take it?”
 
Doctor: “Every two hours.”
24.

I heard a report about a bad outbreak of the tummy bug, apparently 9 out of 10 people there suffered from diarrhea.

I can’t stop thinking about that tenth person who apparently enjoyed it.

 25.

On a mountain trip a man falls down into a crack. His wife calls after him, “Are you OK?”
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“Yeah!”
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“Are you hurt?”
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“No!”
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“Not a scratch? How come?!“
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“I’m not done falling yet-et-et-et-et!”
26.

Policeman: I'm very sorry, sir, but it looks like your wife got hit by a bus.
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Man: I’m aware of that, but Karen has a wonderful personality.
27.

“My wife suffers from a drinking problem.”
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“Oh is she an alcoholic?”
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“No, I am, but she’s the one who suffers.”

28.

I managed to lose my rifle when I was in the army. I had to pay $855 to cover the loss.
 
I’m starting to understand why a Navy captain always goes down with his ship.


29.

Coco Chanel once said that you should put perfume on places where you want to be kissed by a man. But hell does that burn!

30.

A wife is like a hand grenade. Take off the ring and say good bye to your house.
31.

What is invisible and smells of worms?
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A bird’s fart.
32.

Patient: Oh Doctor, I’m starting to forget things.
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Doctor: Since when have you had this condition?
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Patient: What condition?
33.

It has four legs and it can fly, what is it?
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Two birds.
34.

Little Red Riding Hood walks all alone through the deep dark wood. Suddenly she hears rustling in a thick bush. Cautiously she moves the branches aside and finds herself facing the big bad wolf.

"Oh, Big Bad Wolf, why do you have such huge red eyes?"

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"Go away! I'm crapping!"
35.

Doctor: “Do you do sports?”

Patient: “Does sex count?”

Doctor: “Yes.”

Patient: “Then no.”
36.

Oh darling, since you’ve started dieting, you’ve become such a passionate kisser…

What do you mean, passionate? I’m looking for food remains!


Next Part
Funniest jokes of all times

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10

See also: New jokes




 
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