1968 university entrance exam in the Soviet Union:
Do you love
the communist party?
YES – 10 points.
NO – 10 years.
Q: It is not those who lack it, but those who have too much of it, that
will try to steal it from you. What is it?
A: Time.
What is the war-time Russian hamburger?
Two bread tickets with a
meat ticket between them.
Are
you familiar with the Russian electric shaving machine?
You hold a piece of sandpaper to your face with one hand and then you stick
two fingers of your other hand in the socket.
Do you know what Hercules’ wife is called?
Why, Fraucules, of course.
Two ex-classmates are meeting over coffee two years after graduating from
the university. One of them takes a sip and sighs, “Man, whenever it dawns
on me that I’m actually a certified engineer, I get too scared to ever go to
a doctor…”
Captain America is my role model.
But I don’t think I could ever make
it beyond Lieutenant East Texas.
A woman is like an open book.
On advanced string theory. In Farsi.
Printed in Braille. But yeah, it’s open.
(Somewhere in Texas) “This is no longer a weather, that’s a demo version of
a crematorium!”
If your country has serious problems, start a revolution!
Pretty soon
you’ll realize you didn’t really have any problems at all.
A Michigan scientist claimed that all these years, he’d been trying and
trying to develop a cancer cure.
Somehow, it just always ended up as meth.
Microsoft is releasing a new font designed for medical doctors.
They’re
calling it Illegible Sans.
As of 2017, Mexico introduced a new subject into their PE curriculum – pole
vault.
Every evening I assure myself that 5 hours of sleep is more than enough for
a healthy, non-wuss adult.
Every morning, I could punch myself
in the face for that.
How many communists do you need to change a lightbulb?
Two
hundred.
Ten to create a five-year plan to accomplish the task.
Ten to set up a state-owned factory to produce lightbulbs.
Twenty to work in the factory.
Fifty to establish a union and run
union paper.
Ninety-nine to create a campaign proving the
original lightbulb was destroyed by capitalists.
And one to nip
quietly to the nearest imperialist country and buy a lightbulb on the
sly.
A chemist walks into a pharmacy and says, “Do you have
acetylsalicylic acid, please?”
“You mean aspirin?” wonders the
pharmacist.
“Ah yeah, aspirin, I can never remember that name!”
What is socialism?
The thorny path from capitalism to capitalism.
Fastest things on Earth:
1) Maglev train
2) Internet in
Silicon Valley
3) Those 5 minutes between hitting
snooze and the alarm starting again.
Chuck Norris knows how to connect USA into USB.
Best Geek Jokes
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Part 7
