A programmer comes in a pharmacy and says,
“I feel kind of weak after the long winter, I think I need something to
boost my organism. What do you recommend?”
The pharmacists suggests beta
carotene.
The programmer shakes his head, “Nah. I think I’ll wait
till the full version comes out.”
What is socialism? A system which bravely and innovatively conquers barriers
that wouldn’t be present in any other system.
“Well, Johnny, what did you get your Grandma for her birthday?”
“A
baseball.”
“Johnny, what were you thinking?! Grandma doesn’t play
baseball!”
“So? She got me some books for my last birthday.”
The seven wonders of communist/socialist countries:
1. Everybody has
a job.
2. Even though everybody has a job – nobody’s working.
3. Even though nobody’s working – the quotas are being met at 110%.
4. Even though the quotas are being met at 110% – you can’t find anything
worth a crap in the shops.
5. Even though you can’t find anything
worth a crap in the shops – everybody has everything.
6. Even though
everybody has everything – people are stealing everywhere.
7. Even
though people are stealing everywhere – nothing is ever being missed.
What does it mean when there’s a black flag hanging out on a company
building?
They’re advertising an unexpected vacancy.
A Soviet space ship crash lands upon entering Earth’s atmosphere. Only the
captain and the ship’s carpenter survived.
Chuck Norris can make coal out of diamond.
Heisenberg and Schrödinger are driving together when all of a sudden they
run over a cat. Heisenberg is shocked and starts to get out of the car to
see what happened to the kitty.
“Are you mad?!” Schrödinger grabs his
sleeve, “are you trying to kill the poor thing?!”
Breaking news: Yesterday morning, terrorists occupied the strategically
placed Jameson whiskey distillery in Dublin. They still haven’t been able to
formulate their demands.
“I have a weakness for you,” she said to the little baby, stroking its
smooth cheek.
“And I have social anxiety.” “And I acne,” joined in
the other two fairy godmothers gathered around the crib.
A great advantage of socialist state governments is that they are totally
independent.
Mostly on the voters and common sense but hey, you
gotta recognize the positive.
Outside of a dog, man’s best friend is a book.
Inside of a dog, it’s
far too dark to read.
American psychologists have isolated two fundamental reasons why men
frequent bars.
1) They don’t have a woman.
2) They have a
woman.
What sign has probably never been made in Braille?
“Danger, do not
touch.”
Three guys travel on business and go in a hotel to rent a triple room. The
room costs 30 dollars. The guys are OK with it, each pays 10 dollars, they
take their keys and go up. But just as they leave, the manager realizes he
made a mistake and that their new price is 25 dollars per triple room. So he
sends up the bellboy with the 5 dollars difference. But the bellboy doesn’t
know how to split 5 dollars between 3 people, so he just gives each of the
three guys a dollar and pockets the remaining 2 dollars.
That means
that each guy paid 9 dollars. 9 times three is 27 dollars, plus 2 that the
bellboy pocketed is 29 dollars. So where the heck is the remaining
dollar??!!
(By the way, if you figure this one out, we’d appreciate
it if you shared with us – we’re still trying to work it out…)
How can you tell that the French airline workers are on strike?
You can’t.
Chuck Norris was the first choice for the series 24 Hours, but was fired
after he took just 10 minutes and 27 seconds to kill all the terrorists and
save the world.
What’s the difference between a running and a flying mouse?
The
flying one has a hawk attached to its back.
Why does a French airport strike always have to last a few days?
So that people can distinguish between a strike and a regular delay.
“Mr. Somniac, do you think the Americans could influence Russian elections?”
“Hardly. Not even Russian voters are capable of that.”
Even egotists are essentially philanthropists.
They just have a
significantly narrower specialization.
For sale: Ultra-modern Uzbek propane-powered calculator.
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Best Geek Jokes
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