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Geek Jokes | Part 5

July 28, 2017 / Last updated: April 4, 2020

 Author Katerina Janikby
The best first: Some people see “Buy two beers, get three!”
I see “Buy eight beers, get twelve!”
    
 

Mr. and Mrs. Blane are going to the theater. They’re waiting at the cashdesk and finally there’s only one couple in front of them. The man says to the cashier, “Tristan and Isolde. Two tickets, please.”
Mr. Blane waits his turn and says to the cashier, “Harlan and m’lovely wife. Two tickets also, please.”

“Hey Rob! I heard you’ve been saying things about me, like that I’m a dipso and a scoundrel! Is that right?”

“Well… kind of…”

“What do you mean, kind of?!”

“Well it is true, but I haven’t been saying it.”
An American businessman comes to a Swiss bank in Zurich with a suitcase, shades and a shifty expression.

“I’d like to deposit some money, please.”

“Excellent, sir. How much would you like to deposit?”

The guy whispers, “Four million.”

The clerk smiles kindly, “No need to whisper, sir. In Switzerland, there’s no shame to being a bit poor.”
Scientists have confirmed time dilation in Earth conditions.

Apparently the length of “just a minute” differs greatly depending whether it occurs in front of or behind the bathroom doors.
The European Commission discovered another inequality – women are on average shorter than men.
They established a sub-committee that vowed to do away with this gender discrimination by 2025.
What’s the difference between a regular guy and an IT guy?

A regular guy thinks kilobyte is 1000 bytes.

A programmer thinks a kilometer is 1024 meters.

Two friends meet after a while, one says to the other, “Man, I heard you got married! Congratulations, you must be a really happy man!”

“Yes,” replies the other, “I must.”
 Three statistical mathematicians go hunting deer. They finally track down a beautiful one, but the first mathematician shoots two feet to the left. The other mathematician misses him by two feet to the right.

The third mathematician high fives the two and yells, “Yeah! We got him on average!”
Every evening I assure myself that 5 hours of sleep is more than enough for a healthy, non-wuss adult.

Every morning, I could punch myself in the face for that.
The only reason Chuck Norris didn’t receive an Oscar yet is that no civilian is courageous enough to hand him a blunt metal instrument.
Mr. Billingford files for a divorce, he cites the fact that his wife hasn’t spoken to him in the past half a year as a reason.

“Are you sure you want to divorce, Mr. Billingford?” double checks the judge, “where are you going to find another woman like that?”

My horrible neighbor would never reveal her true age. But there are some subtle clues, for instance she has a miniature from Vincent Van Gogh instead of a photo in her passport, and a signed copy of the Bible.
God created economists so that meteorologists wouldn’t feel so bad.
A true Englishman can actually differentiate at least 805 shades of grey.
Humorously Resolved Redundancy Problem

If you ever feel redundant, remember that Germany has a president.
Two boys are talking about WWII:

“My grandpa made it through a concentration camp!”

“So did mine. But he didn’t last through the Nuremberg Trials.”

Next Part
Best Geek Jokes


Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7




 
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