I sniffed some Coke when I was a teenager, just to see what
it’s like, but the bubbles were just too unpleasant in my nose.
The stationary shop moved. It really surprised me.
“My career is in ruins.” – Herbert Dillgrin, archaeologist
My very good friend gave me his epi-pen as he lay dying on the street. I
will treasure it till the end of my days, he seemed very insistent when
giving it to me…
Personal financial situation: Just finished rinsing a few paper cups.
A verb, a preposition, an article, and a noun walk into a bar.
I have to bring this book about electrons back to the library. If I don’t,
there might be a charge.
Which US state has rounded ends and is high in the middle?
-
OhiO.
Ah, when it comes to cliffhanger endings, I always say,
Q: How many software specialists are needed to screw in a lightbulb?
-
A: Not a single one. It’s a hardware issue.
You can’t beat Scottish summer.
Best Wednesday afternoon you’ll ever
experience.
What did one orphan say to another?
“Oh just go get the
Batmobile, will you Robin.”
What did one DNA ask another DNA?
-
Do you think these genes make my
bum look fat?
What does a dyslexic insomniac confused about religion do?
He lies
wide awake at night staring at the ceiling, trying to figure out if there’s
a dog.
I’m a superb multitasker. I’ve no problem wasting time, money and life’s
opportunities all at the same time!
An optician is training a new shop assistant and gives him the rules. “It’s
all about proper behavior, proper way of speaking, Joe.
Putting in the right pauses in your speech is crucial, too. For
instance, the customer enquires about a pair of glasses. You say ‘It’s fifty
dollars’ and you make a pause.
If the customer looks OK, you
continue, ‘for the rims. The lenses are ten dollars” and if the customer
still looks fine, you continue, ‘each.’”
Legalize mrahi…. Legalize marrrhi…. Legalize pot!
America: If your country has oil, it badly needs peace and freedom.
I find it so pretentious when students of engineering call themselves
engineers…
It’s not like medical students walk around calling
themselves doctors or liberal arts students referring to themselves as
unemployed, is it?
Can you be stood up by a guy in a wheel chair?
Unsuspecting, I opened the door for a feminist. The court hearing is
scheduled for next Monday.
Who the hell is Rorschach and why did he paint so many pictures of my
mother?!
Dyslexia killed a vampire hunter one sad night when he attacked a vampire
with a steak.
How can you get a really good dinner for just one dollar?
Buy a
deck of cards.
So when did you start working for this company?
The moment they told
me I have to pick up my performance or I’m history.
What does your ex and slinky have in common? It’s nice to watch either fall
down the stairs.
Office meeting. A gathering that wastes hours, yet keeps minutes.
“But other than that, Mrs Lincoln, did you like the play?”
So, I don’t know what ‘apocalypse’ mean – what’s the big deal? It’s not the
end of the world.
I’m a pro at sleeping. I could do it with my eyes closed.
Apple just posted on their Facebook page that their store got robbed.
They’re looking for iWitnesses.
I’m a huge fan of 50Cent, or, as he’s known in Poland, Hundred Million
Zloty.
Thesaurus – a place to find a clever-sounding replacement for a word people
would otherwise actually understand.
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Best Geek Jokes
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