I wonder if Kevin Bacon movies are banned in Muslim countries?
Any mushroom can be eaten. The trick is to find those mushrooms that can be
eaten more than once.
Here’s my step ladder. I’ve never met my biological ladder.
Now that he’s dead, everyone pretends they were soooo into Stephen Hawking.
I bet you they couldn’t even name five of his songs if you asked them.
For an embarrassingly long time I put golf balls in the same category as
athlete’s foot.
What’s a cure for anorexia? Pshah, it’s a piece of cake.
Even if you know you’re doing everything wrong, you still know you can at
least serve as a bad example.
What’s the only job you can lose when you put in too many
shifts?
Assembly line at a keyboard factory.
Do you have a cat? And are you not a fan of house chores?
-
Here’s a little tip: Make your cat full of static electricity by rubbing her
with a balloon and then use a laser pointer to have her go on all your dusty
shelves and surfaces.
-
There you go, dusting is a chore of yesterday.
Bulimia, plastic surgery, anorexia – all those are deeply personal, taboo
subjects. But talk about botox? Nobody raises an eyebrow.
My IT cousin decided to become a doctor. I hope she never tries the
switch-off – switch-back-on approach in the ICU.
A German driver was pulled over on a Polish highway by the local police.
Polish policeman: "What’s your name, sir?"
German: "Helmut
Rauchbraucher."
Policeman: "OK. Age?"
Helmut: "53."
Policeman: "Occupation?"
Helmut: "Oh no, I’m only visiting."
Worst way to comfort a grammar Nazi?
-
They’re, their.
North Korea recently changed their volume measurement system. The liter is
now only to be called the dear liter.
How many Schrödingers does it take to change a light bulb?
-
You won’t
know until you try.
My brother is so lazy, he hasn’t moved out of his chair in a few months. I’m
pretty sure he’s going to win a trophy.
I dated a tennis player but I’ll never make such a mistake again. Love has
zero meaning to them.
Why don’t cows have feet like we do?
-
Because they lack toes.
So what happens when somebody scares you half to death – and then again?
I heard a midget got pickpocketed on our street the other day. I don’t
understand how anybody can stoop so low.
How many believers in telekinesis here? Raise that guy’s hand.
Artificial intelligence is very impressive but it’s got nothing on natural
idiocy.
I got Pavlov in my exam but I couldn’t remember who that that dude was. His
name really didn’t ring a bell.
My friend wrote a book on polstergeists, it’s simply flying off the shelves.
Multitask – mess up more things at once!
I tried to cross-breed cows and hyenas for my PhD thesis. Not such a great
idea, the result was a laughing stock for the whole university.
The adjective of quiz is quizzical, right?
So what’s the adjective of
test?
-
Testical!
I have a great fear of choking, but the worst possible time to choke is
probably when you’re playing charades.
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Best Geek Jokes
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