Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected
If love is blind, then marriage is its spectacles.
The shortest horror story: Monday.
Stupidity knows no boundaries, but it knows a lot of people.
What would you, as an uninvolved party, say on the topic of intelligence?
How to win the heart of a woman? Kiss her, love her, go to the end of the
world for her.
How to win the heart of a man? Come naked and carry
a pack of beer.
Intelligence relentlessly rides in your wake - but you are faster.
What to say when nature calls in a polite but understanding society?
1. Excuse me, I have a stool appointment.
2. Please excuse me while I
go check the plumbing.
3. Pardon me, I have 6 pounds of boneless mass
to get rid of.
4. Excuse me please, I have to go hide a treasure.
5. I'm sorry, I have to quickly disable alarm level brown.
Excuse me while I go on a ride on the porcelain steamer.
me, I must punish the porcelain.
11. Excuse me, I have to deliver
12. Excuse me, I have to excrete.
4 bottles of bleach: $20.00. A coil of rope, 4 rolls of duct tape, and a
shovel: $45.00. 3 boxes of XXL bin liners: $10.00.
The look on the
cashier’s face: Priceless!
The password to your life is “Humor”.
Good persuasion technique:
Come over to the dark side... we've got
A truth of life:
Only ever trust your own butt to always stand behind
Too long speeches lead to no actions.
Some harsh morning reality:
The early bird dies of sleep deprivation.
The weekend has landed:
Goodbye, social status and dignity. I'll see
Don't share the host's music taste?:
"I believe they are actually
using this music to keep the hobos from train stations."
Need to defend a messy apartment?
We maintain an alternative
A smooth break-up line:
There was a time when I would have given myself to you, now I'm not even
willing to throw up in your direction.
Thank you, I don’t
need a hairstylist. My pillow creates a new hairdo for me every morning.
What not to say when you get pulled over:
Police officer: Papers.
Dear math exercise book, kindly grow up
finally and solve your own problems!
When you just want to
If I were you, I'd wish to be me!
Why do you call so early? It is Sunday! 3 pm in the
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