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Funny Sayings | Part 9 | Witty and Cool

The best first:  Of course I love sport. That's why I do it so sparingly. It should really remain something special.
Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?

If love is blind, then marriage is its spectacles.

The shortest horror story: Monday.
Stupidity knows no boundaries, but it knows a lot of people.
What would you, as an uninvolved party, say on the topic of intelligence? 
How to win the heart of a woman? Kiss her, love her, go to the end of the world for her.
How to win the heart of a man? Come naked and carry a pack of beer.

Intelligence relentlessly rides in your wake - but you are faster.
What to say when nature calls in a polite but understanding society?

1. Excuse me, I have a stool appointment.

2. Please excuse me while I go check the plumbing.

3. Pardon me, I have 6 pounds of boneless mass to get rid of.

4. Excuse me please, I have to go hide a treasure.

5. I'm sorry, I have to quickly disable alarm level brown.

7. Excuse me while I go on a ride on the porcelain steamer.

10. Pardon me, I must punish the porcelain.

11. Excuse me, I have to deliver Satan’s donuts.

12. Excuse me, I have to excrete.

4 bottles of bleach: $20.00. A coil of rope, 4 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $45.00. 3 boxes of XXL bin liners: $10.00.
The look on the cashier’s face: Priceless!
The password to your life is “Humor”.
Good persuasion technique:

Come over to the dark side... we've got candy.
A truth of life:

Only ever trust your own butt to always stand behind you!
German saying:

Too long speeches lead to no actions.
Some harsh morning reality:

The early bird dies of sleep deprivation.
The weekend has landed:

Goodbye, social status and dignity. I'll see you Monday.
Don't share the host's music taste?:

"I believe they are actually using this music to keep the hobos from train stations."
Need to defend a messy apartment?

We maintain an alternative lifestyle.
A smooth break-up line:

There was a time when I would have given myself to you, now I'm not even willing to throw up in your direction.
Thank you, I don’t need a hairstylist. My pillow creates a new hairdo for me every morning.
What not to say when you get pulled over:

Police officer: Papers.

Driver: Scissors.
Dear math exercise book, kindly grow up finally and solve your own problems!
When you just want to be mean:
If I were you, I'd wish to be me!
Sunday early bird:

Why do you call so early? It is Sunday! 3 pm in the morning!!!
Next Part
Funny Sayings

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | New Sayings

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