They say good, honest work never did anybody any harm, but I
don't want even the slightest risk.
Experts say you shouldn’t eat at night. So who put the light bulb in the
Funny bumper stickers:
Do we know each other? No? Then please keep your distance.
Sure, overtake me if you want. We'll meet again at the next traffic light.
Braking is for suckers.
Am I driving too close in front of you?
Escape vehicle. Please do not park too close.
I'm also lost.
There's no need to follow me.
When somebody is totally angry, why not say:
"Yes, young Skywalker.
Come over to the dark side of the Force."
A lot of people
are only alive today because the law makes it impossible to shoot them.
Never drive faster than a guardian angel can fly.
your heart to the emancipation movement, bearded women want to be loved too.
What – me?! A stalker?! Never! I just like to be well informed, that’s all.
There are days when you just want to envelope everybody with light and
warmth… preferably through the use of a flamethrower.
somebody is bitching:
“I’m sorry, your bitching time has expired. To buy more bitching time,
please insert actual actions.”
My boyfriend is so ugly, I
sometimes have to put roofies in my own drink.
don't know the answer or perhaps you don't want to say:
I will now
answer you with a direct and unequivocal "maybe".
WARNING: Alcohol consumption may cause you to think that you are whispering
when you are quite definitely not.
When somebody has a belly ache or doesn't feel well, why not cheer them up
Ah, you've been nibbling from the loo again, haven't you.
I’m very sorry about all those texts I sent you last night, unfortunately,
my phone was drunk.
Did you see (or possibly get) a bad
I wonder what the hairstylist does for a living...
When a bird hits your window, how do you know God isn’t playing Angry Birds
It's funny how many people get mad when a sentence doesn't end as they
Interesting status update:
9 out of 10 voices in my head say that I'm
crazy. The tenth is humming.
When you're late:
I'm never late. The others are simply too early!
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