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More Fine Bonus Jokes | Part 9

The best first: For Sale: Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain.
 

My girlfriend says that I am snoopy. But OK, maybe she meant it differently when she wrote it in her diary.

Waiter, I am outraged. There is one hair in my soup.
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And what do you expect for this price? A whole wig?!
What is the optimum weight of a fart?
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0.0 grams. Otherwise we’re not talking fart.
Daddy what is a transvestite?
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Ask Mommy, he knows.
Q: Is Google a he or a she?
 
A: A she, no doubt, because it won‘t let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas.


Today I went to a barber’s shop for a shave. The barber asked me to put a small wooden ball in my mouth so he could get a closer shave around my cheeks.

I asked: “But what if I swallow the ball?”

He replied: “No problem sir, you just bring it back tomorrow like everybody else.”
Reporter interviews a man: “Sir, you’ve lived next to this highway for 20 years, do you feel that it has somehow influenced you?”
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The man: “NOOooooo, NOOoooo, NOOooo…”
An optimist sees light at the end of a tunnel and thinks it’s an exit.

A pessimist sees light at the end of a tunnel and assumes it is an onrushing train.

The train conductor sees two stupid guys staggering on train tracks.
A man goes to the lawyer: “What is your fee?”
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Lawyer says: “1000 US dollars for 3 questions.”
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Man: “Wow - so much! Isn’t it a bit expensive?”
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Lawyer: “Yes, what is your third question
Job interview in a psychiatry:

So you’re interested in working with us. What is your experience with mentally disturbed people?
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I’ve been on Facebook for 5 years now.
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Very good, the job is yours.
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Funniest jokes of all times

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10

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