A woman in a bikini reveals about 90% of her body.... and yet most men
are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
Yesterday I learnt that 20 piranhas can strip all flesh off a man within 15
minutes. - Unfortunately, I also lost my job at the local swimming pool.
What is grey and can't fly?
A fat pigeon
A son asks his mother:
Mom, the kids are laughing at me, they say my teeth are too long!”
“Oh shush, now you’ve scratched the whole floor again!”
Doctor says to his patient: "You have cancer and Alzheimer."
Patient: "At least I don't have cancer."
A wife complains to her husband: “Just look at that couple down the
road, how lovely they are. He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding
the door for her, why can’t you do the same?”
The husband: “Are you
mad? I barely know the woman!”
I should have been more suspicious when the Chinese guy offered to “wok my
dog for me”…
Did you hear about the new movie constipation?
It hasn’t come out yet.
Two guys are out hunting in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t
appear to be breathing, his eyes are glazed over. The other man pulls out
his phone with trembling fingers and calls 911. He gasps, "My friend is
dead! What can I do?"
The operator says "Please stay calm. I will
help you. First of all, let's make sure he's dead."
silence, then a gun shot. The guy gets back on the phone and says "OK, now
My wife whispered in my ear today that she’s not wearing any underwear. Oh
boy, now she’s already growing forgetful.
How do you rob a snowman?
With a hairdryer.
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