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Bad Dad Jokes | Part 5

The best first: Did you hear the joke about the elephant in the elevator? No? Me neither, I took the stairs.

“Are you alright dad?”'
“Actually, technically, I’m half left and half right.”

Do you know how to make somebody curious?
I'll tell you tomorrow!
Son: I’m really sorry I did it, dad.
Dad: Well, son, you know that now I must pun-ish you.
“Oh dad, you gotta save me!”
“And would you like to be a pdf or an xls?”
Dad, I’m done!
Hi Done, I’m dad.
“I’ll call you later!”
“Please don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”
Son: “Am I adopted?”
Dad: “Not yet, it seems nobody is interested.“
Father, lying in his deathbed:

“Mary, my wife, are you here with me?”

“Yes, I am, dearest.”

“And Louise, my mother in law, are you here with me?”

“Yes, I am, Paul, I’m here with you.”

“And you, children, are you here, Karen and Henry?”

“Yes, yes we are, daddy!”

“Then how the hell is the living room light left on?!”

 Dad, looking at soy milk: “Holá, milk, soy dad.
We had to pull over to let an ambulance whizz by, sirens blaring. My dad was silent for a while and then commented, “I can’t see them selling much ice-cream at this speed.”
Dad Joke new
“Dad, can you call mom’s phone? She can’t find it.”

“Absolutely! ‘Mom’s phone! Mom’s phone!’”
Daughter: “How do I look, daddy?!”
Dad: “With your eyes, sweetheart.”
Father: Do you know the joke from the 3rd floor?
Son: “No,”
Father: Me neither, I was on the 2nd floor at the time.
Do you have a hole in your shoe?
 What do you mean, no? How did you get your foot in then?"
Hey dad how was your weekend?" - "Light, dark, light, dark, Monday."
Dad to his son: "I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and dumb.
"Daughter to her dad: "What is it?"
Dad: “It” is a pronoun.
“Son, did you know I was named after Nikola Tesla?”
“But Dad, your name is Michael!”
“True, but I was named AFTER him.”
You: “So, dad, I was thinking…”

Dad: “Ohhhhh and I wondered what that high-pitched grinding sound was!”How many pears grow on a tree? They all do.
Officer, I’m calling to report my children. They refuse to go to bed. They are resisting a rest.
Dad to his daughter: "Never forget, sweetie, you're unique, like everyone else."
Can you put my shoes on, dad?” - “Actually, I think they’re a bit too small for me.”
Dad, can I leave the table please?
Sure, as long as you leave it right where it is.
First Part
of Dad Jokes

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | New Dad Jokes

See also: Bad Jokes

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