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Bad Dad Jokes | Part 5

The best first: Did you hear the joke about the elephant in the elevator? No? Me neither, I took the stairs.

Two cows meet, one says, "Mooooo!"
The other one is offended, "Hey, I just wanted to say that!"

Do you know how to make somebody curious?

I'll tell you tomorrow!
I was a doctor for a while but then I quit. I simply didn’t have enough patience.
Why didn’t the Orange drive when the lights turned green again? No juice!
Two penguins meet. One says, “Jesus it is cold today.

The other hisses, “Shut up. Penguins can’t talk.”
Son: “Am I adopted?”
Dad: “Not yet, it seems nobody is interested.“
Do you know where you can learn to make the best ice cream?

At Sunday school.
Father, lying in his deathbed:

“Mary, my wife, are you here with me?”

“Yes, I am, dearest.”

“And Louise, my mother in law, are you here with me?”

“Yes, I am, Paul, I’m here with you.”

“And you, children, are you here, Karen and Henry?”

“Yes, yes we are, daddy!”

“Then how the hell is the living room light left on?!”
There’s this fascinating book on glue – I just can’t keep my hands off it.
They’ve opened a new shop recently, and it has everything. It’s called Moderation.

Vegetarian is an old Indian word. Originally, it means “a bad hunter”.
 Dad, looking at soy milk: “Holá, milk, soy dad.
How many pears grow on a tree? They all do.
I’ve been looking all day and I couldn’t find a single sock shop. They all sell them in pairs!
I’m a pro sleeper. I can do it superbly with my eyes closed.
I saw an expiration day on an anti-aging cream. Now that’s just a scam!
I decided, after so many years in the marital bedroom, it was time for a one night stand. I’ll go back to the furniture shop tomorrow to pick up the other one.
I was told I pick my nose at times. I mean, why would I do that? I’ve still got the one I was born with!
Cannibals aren’t very sociable. They’re all fed up with people.
I bought a waterbed for your mother and myself, but we started drifting apart ever so slowly…
Doctor, do these sleeping pills create an addiction?
Absolutely not, no worries, I myself have been using them daily for years!
I’ve never liked speed bumps much. But I’m getting over it slowly.
Dad, can I leave the table please?
Sure, as long as you leave it right where it is.
First Part
of Dad Jokes

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | New Dad Jokes

See also: Bad Jokes

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