Two walls arrange a date – “I’ll meet you at the corner.”
“Dad, can you make me a sandwich, please?”
Dad: “Abrakadabra, you
are now a sandwich!”
The phone rings.
Dad: What does the caller ID say?
Dad: Don't answer that. We only pick up for ranks
Lieutenant Caller and higher.
It was too hot in the car so I put on some shades.
instantly much cooler.
“Daddy, what is an alcoholic?”
“Do you see those 4 trees, son? An
alcoholic would see 8 trees.”
“Um, Dad – there are only 2 trees.”
"What is a bunny without a carrot?"
“Dad, can you call mom’s phone? She can’t find it.”
“Absolutely! ‘Mom’s phone! Mom’s phone!’”
Did you hear about the new movie constipation? It hasn’t come out yet.
I told my dad that he should embrace his mistakes. He had tears in his
eyes. Then he hugged my sister and me.
Three guys stole a very valuable calendar from the 19th century. They
got 4 months each.
A box of matches. The perfect housewarming gift.
David, make sure you never lose your ID. I’d hate to call you Dav.
A single glance tells me if somebody is lying. It’s the fact that
they’re horizontal that gives it away.
Pregnant women should be given way more respect and comfort in the
society. After all, it’s the only way to make a living.
I heard you want to watch the Alien series back to back with your
friends? Why not, just make sure you’re the one facing the TV screen.
I put my watch on my belt the other day. It was a waist of time.
You may be an American when you go to the restroom. You may be an
American when you leave the restroom. But when you’re in there? European.
of Dad Jokes
See also: Bad Jokes