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Xmas Jokes | Part 5

The best first: Why do Christmas trees suck at knitting?
They eventually drop all their needles.
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Funny Xmas pullover

So – Santa is this foreign guy with a host of small people who build the toys we give our kids?
Santa must be Chinese.

What do you get when you make a snowman really, really mad angry?
Frothy the Snowman.
It’s a good thing Santa doesn’t suffer from dyslexia.
It would be inconvenient to receive a Christmas visit from Satan.
And who brings presents to little sharks who’ve been good the whole year?
Santa Jaws!
In the morning of Christmas Eve, a lady rummages through the last remaining turkeys in the supermarket freezer.
“Do they get any bigger by any chance?” she asks the shop assistant with a sigh.
He looks at her for a while and says, “No madam, they are quite dead.”
Do you want to know if there really is a Santa? Simply light a good fire on Christmas Eve.
What do snowmen do in their spare time?
They’re just chilling.
What does a bald guy say when you give him a comb for Christmas?
Oh thanks… I shall never part with it.
Q: What is any parent’s favorite Christmas carol?
A: Silent Night.

Which type of donuts does Santa prefer?
The ones with the ho-ho-hole.
A good sign for a toy shop at Christmas: We speak ho-ho-ho here!
What can you give away at Christmas and yet still keep?
Measles, for instance.

Santa once lost his undies. That is when the tradition of calling him Saint Knickerless started.
How do reindeer amuse themselves during the long year?
They play stable-tennis.
Doctor, I can’t get rid of the idea that I’m a Christmas bell, please help!
Very well, take these pills twice daily and if they don’t work, give me a ring.
Advent calendars are an inspiration to us all. They are so jolly – and yet their days are numbered…
Santa Claus climbs down a chimney into the family living room and wow, there’s an amazing, fully naked blonde woman. She winks at him meaningfully.

Santa clutches his head, “If I do it, no way will I make it to heaven. If I don’t do it, no way will I make it back up the chimney!”
Why won’t Christmas trees stand up straight?
Well, they don’t have legs.
Great Christmas joke

Jedi knights have an extra advantage at Christmas. They can feel the presents.
“Merry Christmas, nearly everybody!” Ogden Nash

Christmas Jokes

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

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