Why don't blondes enjoy eating pretzels? - The knots are just
too hard to undo.
Why don’t blondes waterski? They haven’t found a lake with a slope yet.
A blonde walks into a doctor’s office and exclaims: "Doctor, please help me.
Whenever I touch my leg, ow! It really hurts... When I touch my elbow, oh
Lord! It hurts... When I touch my head, goodness gracious it hurts! When I
touch my elbow it hurts like hell!"
The Doctor looks her over and calmly
replies: "Miss, it appears your finger is broken."
Why did the grim blonde girl’s mirror have bullet holes in it?
She tried to shoot herself.
There is a blonde, a brunette and a redhead in Grade 5. Which of the girls
has the largest breasts?
The blonde one, she’s already 18.
A blonde girl has a mirror in her closet.
One night she wakes up
to pee and on her way wants to take something from the closet, opens the
door and sees herself. She slams the door shut and quickly calls the cops,
saying she’s got a burglar in the house who’s hiding in her closet.
The cops arrive quickly, get to the closet and open the door. They stare at
it for a while and then one turns on the blonde all angry, saying, “Do you
know the punishment for abusing emergency response? Why did you call us when
our colleagues are already here?!”
One blonde says to the other: "I did a pregnancy test."
other nods appreciatively and asks, "And, were the questions really hard?"
One blonde says to another: “I don’t know, this business with the pyramids
being over 4000 years old. I mean, we’ve only got 2016, haven’t we?”
How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?
Ask her to count the
stairs on an escalator.
A slightly tipsy blind guy in a bar shouts to the bartender, "Hey,
bartender, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
A man next to him whispers
to him, "Before you say your joke, there’s something you should know. Our
bartender is blonde, as is the bouncer. I'm a 6' 3'', 200 lb black belt. The
guy sitting next to me is 6'2", 225 lb, a rugby player. The chap to your
right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Every one of us is blonde.
Think about it. Do you really want to tell your joke?"
The blind guy
says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
Q: What do you call a blonde girl with two brain cells?
How do you keep a blonde chick busy? (see below)
How do you keep
a blonde chick busy? (see above)
Why did the blonde girl
shut herself in the fridge?
She wanted to know if the light really
Why is it wrong to say "a dumb blonde"?
Because you don't say "a dead corpse" either, do you?
cashier in the cinema asks a blonde customer, „Tell me, you’ve already been
here three times in the past 10 minutes, why do you want yet another
The blonde replies, “Well I only wanted to get one, but the
guy up front always tears it up!”
A blonde raises a
conspiracy question, "If Titanic was sunk because it hit an iceberg, how
come there were no pieces of the iceberg found?"
you call a blonde who lost 95% of her intelligence?
of Blonde Jokes
New Blonde Jokes
* A small note. It is definitely NOT OK to use blonde jokes,
even the really funny ones, to make actual people feel bad. In
that game, nobody ever wins, even when people laugh with you at
the time, it has never won anybody any friends.
Everything you give out will have an influence on you, so you're
better off giving out something positive. And while you're doing
that, enjoy these quite mean and ridiculously funny jokes, you
know, for academic purposes!