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Punny Jokes | Part 5

Best first: Is it really wise to invest with somebody called a "broker"?

     
Do you know how Moses makes his tea? Hebrews it!

A bacon sandwich walks into a bar and orders a whiskey.

“Sorry,” growls the bartender, “we don’t serve food here.”
How to achieve a beach body?

1. Have a body

2. Arrive at the beach.
Getting fat wasn’t my intention. It was a pure and clear snaccident.
I was kind of bored lately so I decided to take up fencing.
-
But the neighbors are threatening to call the police unless I put it down again.
Does your wife scream when she is coming?
-
No, my wife has a key to the door.
Would you mind if I took a picture of you naked?
 -
Sure, why not – if it isn’t too cold for you here?
How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?
-
Well, one, but the lightbulb really has to change itself.
Why didn’t the toilet paper go down the water slide like everybody else?
 
Well, he got stuck in the crack.
There were two straw hats on a hanger. One of them said to the other, “Tell you what, you enjoy yourself here for a while longer, I’ll go on a-head.”
What did the fish say when it hit its head on a wall?

Dam!!!
Coffee is the silent victim in our house. It gets mugged every day.
They’re building a restaurant on Mars now. They say the food will be great, but they’re worried about a lack of atmosphere.

A group of termites marches into a saloon and ask: “Is the bar tender here?”
I wonder why there aren’t any more cemeteries around. People are really dying to get in there.
I saw an offer in a shop

“TV for $4.50 – the volume is stuck on maximum"

It was an offer I simply couldn’t turn down.
Why is life in North Korea so hard?
 
Because North Korea lost its Seoul.
What were the words of a truck driver after he got a flat?
 
Darn, this is a wheely bad time.
I cannot stand insect puns.
-
They bug the heck out of me.
What is the computer’s favorite food? Microchips.
How many Mexicans are necessary to screw in a light bulb?
 
Only Juan.
Next Part
of Best Puns

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | New Puns



 
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